Tienanmen Square & Hutong Area

 This was really an incredible sight.  They wouldn't let us walk onto Tiannaman Square because the French (I think) president was visiting.  Security was very high.  But the Forbidden City was open.  We were rushed through, as is normal, to stay on schedule, but we didn't do any of the pearl, jade or silk markets, which was surprising.  Monkey Boy did not feel like he had near enough time or freedom to explore.  Princess thought the walk was too long, but cool.  Just wait until the Great Wall Trip tomorrow!

The monk and the Chinese girl wanted a photo with Monkey Boy

Hutong Area

We loved the Rickshaw Rides.  Princess started singing and I joined, and our driver kept looking back and saying "Nice" and thumbs up.  That made Princess feel really good.  

She has a great voice.  The kids thought this was awesome and a great way to see how the Middle Class Chinese People live.

The posts above the wall represent wealth.  Two means you are middle class and doing well.

The round statues below represent that someone was in the military and respected in your family.

It amazes me to see nice cars parked in places that seem so run down.  

The cars can only be driven every other day.

We took the subway with Katie & Steve to the Silk Factory to do some shopping.

The subway was a first for the kids and it was a fun adventure.

Jake had 2 custom suits made and my mom and I had silk suits made.

Jake needed new suits for the legislation, and I did because I go with him.

We had fun letting the kids shop and barter, or watch Daddy barter!

We also had to replace the bag of things Nathan had purchased and lost in the cab.

He thought the family he rode with home from the Kung Fu Show had grabbed it, 

but it was left in the taxi.

And we desperately were craving food we recognized, so we hit the Chinese version of Pizza Hut and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves before crashing into our beds for the night.

Beijing Bound

We're packed and ready to go.  We have way to many bags, but we're packed and everyone is happy!  We dropped bags and all the info off for those staying on Monday night to make it easier to leave on Tuesday.  The house was pretty clean, garbage taken out, and dishes done.  

 We decided to start out our adventure with a trip to Panda Express.  Yep, Chinese food.  Since one of the school projects is to compare food, we figured it woud be a great place for lunch.  After, we dropped the oldest off to school and the youngest off to a cousins.  That was sad, but I know they'll be ok.

 Then, we were off!  This was the first plane ride these two can remember.  They were so excited, especially my Monkey Boy.  He couldn't hold himself back from grinning and bursting with excitement.  It was a long ride, but it went great.  However, we did get to our hotel really late, our rooms had been given away so we had to book new ones, and our ride didn't come, so we had to figure out a ride from the airport to our hotel.  Luckily it worked out great.

 We're staying at Sundworld Dynasty.  Lots of great and new things to try!  We enjoyed it.  We ran into another travel group who was going to a Kung Fun show, so we joined them after some fun shopping.  It was an  interesting show at the Red Theater.  I now have a much better understanding of the way Buddhism works.  Crazy athletic guys performing.  Crazy being the main word.

 The kids had brought some money and were excited to try out their bargaining skills.  Dad led the way and seems to enjoy it immensely.  It was fun to watch him. He is good at it.

While shopping, we started talking to this "American Couple,"  the Schoffs (I think that was their last name, I'm so bad at remembering names), that happened to be from Sandy, Utah..a 20 minute drive from our home.  They were there speaking at a dental conference.  Pretty amazing!  What a small world and what a great cause!

 We asked for a bigger bed for my 9 yr old.  This is what they brought.  He's a little big, but somehow he fits.  No, he didn't sleep there, we made a bed for him on the couch, but we did have a good laugh!

All in all, a good experience so far!  I am so grateful to be in China and share this experience with two of my wonderful children.  I love it here!  Next time, I'm going to study Chinese so that I can communicate with the people better.  Such good people!

Travel in 4 Days!

We officially travel in 4 days!  We are bringing 2 of our children...Monkey Boy and Princess Pea Pod.  We are all so excited to travel and I am trying to pack!  Ellie is packed.  Socks were purchased for me (mine all had holes and now that summer is over and socks are a must, I had to buy some).  My dear friend donated much needed essential oils that I was out of.  Doctors visits and flu shots completed.  Snacks purchased, outfits chosen (I wore them all to make sure they would be comfortable with a busy schedule and cooler weather, light to pack and easy care), laundry in the works.  Packing the remainder of the kids will happen tomorrow (and hopefully me).  Jake is almost back in town to help.  I am hoping that Monday (my birthday) is relaxing.  I have a facial scheduled-only the 2nd one in my life.  Hair cuts for the boys scheduled tomorrow.  Lists are made.  Copies of all docs are done.  Cashiers check for in-China travel has been sent.  Grandma is almost done with Ellie's soft purple blanket.  Monkey Boy finished the Book of Mormon Reader and cleaned my fridge today.  Princess Pea Pod and Monkey Boy have their list of homework to do while we're travelling.  Extra passport photos are taken.  VPN purchased (I highly recommend Express VPN).  House cleaned tomorrow and picked up on Tuesday morning.  Still several things on the list, but it is all getting done!  Now, if I can just stay calm and not let myself get overly anxious, which I am known to do. I didn't make my bed today, which tells you I'm feeling a little overwhelmed!

What is most important that is on October 28, we will be picking up a little miracle from Zhoukou, China, and she is going to be such a blessing in our lives.  Can't wait to begin this next part of our journey with our family!

Travel Approval

Wow, Travel Approval came today.  I am soooooo surprised!  I wasn't expecting it for at least a week.  It has only been 1 week since Article 5 was picked up.  I am smiling and crying at the same time....so much to do and so little time!  They've given us 2 options for travel, either Oct 16 or Oct 23.  We're requesting the 23rd, but we'll see what everyone else in our group requests.  Majority wins.  Because of the holiday, we won't have exact dates until Friday or Monday.  We'll keep you informed!

Here we come, baby girl!

Chinese Holiday

October 1-3 is the Chinese National Holiday, so the CCCWA will be closed, as well as the US Embassy in China.  That means for us....a delay of 3 days for Travel Approval.  Oh well...what is 3 days at this point, right?  I've been waiting nearly a year to pick up my baby girl.  I now feel like I need those extra 3 days to get everything completed!

We've decided to bring our 3 older children and just leave our 4 yr old home.  Hopefully this is a good choice.  I feel peace about it!  My mom is going to come again, but my dad isn't this time.  It makes rooms easy-1 for Grandma and big sis, 1 for the boys, and 1 for Jake, Ellie and I.  It gives everyone some space.  My mom is wonderful for coming and offering to help with the older kids.  I will miss my dad on this trip, though.

It is almost time, Ellie Mei-Li!  We love you!

Activities to Promote Attachment

These are suggestions from therapists and parents of RAD kids

1. Wear infant in a chest carrier, all day if possible, facing IN.
2. Mom should initially be the only person who is meeting the baby's needs. Baby needs to build a bond with one person first, then she can branch out to others.
3. Bathe together, to promote skin to skin contact. Baby & Mom can wear the same lotion so baby associates scent with mom.
4. If you use cologne (or if you don't, use your shampoo), place a tiny bit on her arm so she has your smell with her at all times.
5. Laminate loving family pictures of you together and put around her crib and other places.
6. Outline her body, as well as your own on huge sheets of newsprint. Color them (great activity). Tape the "portraits" to her ceiling.
7. When feeding her something she particularly likes, tell her you are a good mommy/daddy. Telling her with words that you are a good mommy is important -- otherwise, how would she know?!
8. Play with dolls to act out how parents always return after child goes to day care, babysitter, bed, etc.
9. Draw cartoon panels of the day's routine, so that your child can see that Mom and Child always come back to the same home together. Anxiety and stress can interfere with auditory processing, so it is important to use something visual that can be held in the hand.
10. Give your child a laminated picture of the family to carry with her all the time.
11. Limit choices. At first parents should make all decisions, including foods, toys and clothes. This helps the child feel safe. Then as the child becomes accustomed to the new family, limited choices can be given, e.g. a choice between 2 foods.
12. Dress alike. Wear the same colors, type of outfit, accessories, hairstyle, etc. and point out how you look alike.
13. Claim your child. Tell her she belongs to you. Give her a big hug and say "MINE!" Make up songs about your family, e.g.:
    I am your Mom, You're my sweet girl, Just like a pearl so rare and precious, You are mine and I am yours, 'Cause together we're a family.

Encourage Eye Contact

"Look in my eyes. Don't look away" - Mr. Soil from Bug's Life

1. Bottle feed no matter what the age. Encourage eye contact by gently touching her cheek. DO NOT let her hold the bottle. Nourishment has to come from parent(s); be sure to hold her when feeding.
2. If she turns away (avoiding eye contact) try placing a large mirror accross from you. That way, when she turns away, she will see herself in your embrace.
3. Continue to hold her in your gaze. It may take a long time for her to glance at you. When she finally does, be ready with a warm, loving, approving smile. This sounds little, but is really big and pays big rewards in our experience.
4. Encourage eye contact by gently tapping the bridge of her nose and yours as a hand-signal to look at you.
5. Stroke her cheek.
6. Put her hands on your cheeks. Children's eyes often go where their hands are.
7. Play Peek-a boo. This develops the concept of object permanence (that even if you can't see something, it's still there). For kids who are still anxious about Mommy leaving, repeat "Where's the Baby? Here's the Baby! Where's Mommy? Here's Mommy! Mommy goes to work, Mommy comes home!" to emphasize the message that Mommy always comes back.
8. Have baby pull a sticker off your nose - and put it back.
9. Wear a stick-on dot or earring as a "beauty mark."
10. Stare into each other's eyes. If your child can keep eye contact for 20 seconds, feed her a chocolate kiss or candy heart. Increase the amount of time.
11. MUSICAL NOSE - Sing a song and let your child pinch your nose so you sound very silly. You stop singing if she breaks eye contact.
12. MUSICAL SWING - put child in baby swing. Face her as you push. Encourage eye contact by singing a song, and stopping if she looks away.
13. Fill your cheeks with air. Have child "pop" them.
14. Take turns feeding each other. This works great with raisins, cheerios, and popcorn.
15. Eskimo kisses - rub noses and stare into each others eyes.
16. Play in front of a mirror. Make faces, paint Mommy's face, trace each other's faces on the mirror with washable marker, finger paint with shaving cream. Let your child be your puppet and make her dance. Make dolls dance. Any kind of game that gets your child to relax and meet your eyes in the mirror, will likely get her relaxed enough to meet your eyes directly.
17. Instead of using an actual mirror, take turns being each other's mirror. Sit face to face, and have your child imitate every facial movement you make, and vice versa. Then try it with your whole body, mirroring each other's movements.
18. For an older child, try lipreading with each other. While you're not really getting eye contact, you're at least looking at each other's faces.

Games which Encourage Attachment

1. Play hide and seek (also develops object permanence).
2. Play catch! Roll a ball back and forth (teaches reciprocity). Throwing or batting a balloon back and forth may be easier than throwing a ball for little ones.
3. Hold baby in your arms and dance with her. A very synchronous activity.
4. Swim together.
5. Paint each others faces with paint, power, or just pretend.
6. Put lotion on each other.
7. A Memory game but with a more personal touch: Have your child look you over very carefully. Then leave the room and return after you've changed something about yourself. See if she can figure out what is different. It could be something really obvious for younger kids, like taking off a sweater, but for older kids you could get more challenging, like buttoning one more button on the sweater.
8. Guess the Goodies: Put several small treats in a bag or cup. child closes their eyes. You pop a treat in their mouth and they try to guess what it is.
9. Tunnels: Parents kneel on floor forming a tunnel. Child crawls through the tunnel as fast as they can before the tunnel collapses. first few times let child get completely through, then have it gently collapse onto child.
10. Pillow ride: have child sit on big floor pillow and you drag them around the room. You only move when given eye contact.
11. M&M hockey: Use bendy straws and blow candy across table to other persons goal. When you score a goal, the opponent feeds you the candy.
12. Marshmallow fight: Each person uses a pillow as a shield. Sit on the floor and throw marshmallows at each other. Gets wild and crazy and is a lot of fun. Can do the same with crumpled paper.
13. Crawling into arms: Child starts in corner of room. Cannot start until adult says go. Start by saying "lo", "mo" etc. instead of "go" to help child learn to attend better. Then child crawls across room as fast as they can to you. You are standing on other side of room and make a large circle with arms. Child needs to stand up in the circle. gradually reduce the size of the circle and gets a big reward of kisses hugs and/or a treat.
14. Jumping across pillows to arms: set up pillow islands in a pattern across floor. Child starts at one end, you are at the other. Child starts when you direct them to as noted above. Child jumps across the islands and into your arms.
    Finding goodies. Hide candies on yourself and child needs to find them.
15. Donut Dare: You hold a donut on your finger through the hole and the child sees how many bites they can take before it falls off.
16. Lifesavers on Licorice String: Put each end of shoestring licorice in yours and childs mouth (helps to tie a knot so that it stays in mouth better). Have a gummy lifesaver on the string. By standing up and maneuvering without hands, feed the lifesavers to each other.

Circle of Love

My daughter is 4, and for a long time didn't quite "get" who she could be affectionate with, and who deserved a handshake or less. We took a long sheet of paper (therapist suggestion) and drew a big heart on one end and drew pictures of our immediate family within it. This was "our family circle of love", and we discussed how we can always act lovingly toward anyone in our immediate family circle (*HINT* draw your daughter's birthmother in there too! I didn't think of it and it came back at me later!). Then, in smaller descending hearts we drew extended family, then friends, then doctors, mail carriers, casual babysitters etc. We talked about appropriate behavior for her toward each group, practiced scenarios, and I also gave her permission to NOT hug or kiss anyone outside her immediate family.
What I had been thinking was totally an attachment issue really turned out to be, for us, a missed-rung on the post-institutional developmental ladder...the mural idea gave us lots to discuss, and very much helped her behaviors.

Sensory Activities

Mouth - to improve speech

1. Lots of bubble blowing.
2. Drinking with a straw, especially thick milkshakes.
3. Whistle blowing (I know, it can become irritating to mom real fast).
4. Party blowers -- the ones that un-curl and then curl back up again.
5. Provide different kinds of textures to move around -- both with his tongue and with his hands: baby peas, rice, couscous, puddings, jello. Paint a plate with chocolate pudding and then eating it off the plate and hands is fun -- although you might want to try a colored plate and vanilla pudding if your child is under two.
6. Wake up his taste buds -- sour candies like Sweet Tarts, chili, pepper, mustard, paprika, pickles -- anything with vinegar. Learning the sour taste is especially important.
7. Tapping very lightly above the upper lip above the gum line--but NOT on the midline.
8. Making "mouth music."
9. Tear tissue in small pieces or strips and blow it across the table top.

Tactile - Loubee, Dobee Time

One mom uses Creamy Style Vaseline, and makes lotion time an attachment activity time with these games:

1. Pass the lotion. Get lots of lotion on your hand and let your daughter try to get all of it off, and then pass it back and forth.
2. Slippy hands. After lotioning pretend to hold on tight to each others' hands and then "whoops" slip off backwards with lots of exageration and laughter.
3. Hand Stacking. Place your hand on the bottom, then one of your daughters, then yours, then your daughters. Slip your bottom hand out and put it on top. Just keep on going to "build the stack".
4. Lotion painting. Paint pictures on eack other and then rub them in and start over.